Have you ever heard that little voice in your head that says you’re not quite good enough? That you don’t know what you’re doing while everyone else is completely sorted. And that you’re not doing enough and haven’t achieved enough.
In fact, overall you’re really just not enough.
I’ll let you in on a little secret… I’ve heard it too. Many times. And I’m not the only one.
Most of us are much more unkind so ourselves than to the people around us. We can be so unforgiving and pretty damn hard in that little inner dialogue that constantly runs through our head. The truth is, if we spoke to other people in the same way, well, I’m not sure how many friends we’d actually have.
You’ve probably heard the phrase that we can’t really love others until we love ourselves. This is more than a mushy sentiment.
Self-love, self-kindness, self-compassion – whatever you choose to call it – is a really important part of our wellbeing. And without it, it can be really difficult to build genuine, vulnerable and meaningful connection with ourselves, as well as with others.
A lack of self-kindness can also be pervasive and, unrecognised. it is one of the elements that feeds a sense of perfectionism which makes it very difficult to live up to whatever unattainable standards you’ve set for yourself.
Now, don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stretch yourself or aim towards expertise, but if you’re trapped in the crack cocaine of self-criticism, whatever you aim for is never quite enough. You always need more to get the same high and it’s a law of diminishing returns
Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism
This is also an essential part of any mindfulness and meditation practice, and it’s why cultivating mindfulness is a key way to develop self-kindness. And I will come on to this in a moment…
And why is self-kindness even important?
At its core, greater self-kindness and self-compassion helps us be more connected and happier human beings. But it’s also an important part of healing, of both the physical and emotional type.
